I am nothing, if not honest. If I write about it here, it is the Truth.

Okay, so let’s face it. Part (most), of the fun of taking a Big vacation (Big- includes words like airplanes, cruises, Grand Tetons, the word Florida), is being able to brag about the trip to friends, co-workers, family, FaceBook friends. You know, everyone who will be envious that you are going and they are not! And never mind the preceived cost or length of the trip, if you are going on a trip in the dead of winter, to a place Known for warm, sunny, tropical weather? Get Out! Even as they wish you well. You Know the envy they are feeling. So, let’s be honest, even if you Do deserve such a trip, can afford such a trip, you leave on that first morning, with the knowledge that, for the following week (two, whatever), everyone you know will be wishing they could be YOU!

DON’T !!!!!!  I repeat – DON’T !!!!!!!  Do not Ever wish you were Me or my Husband or be anywhere we might be! You must trust me when I tell you that, wherever you are, right now, whatever you may be doing,  I ENVY YOU!!!

I planned our February trip to Cancun because A. The price was right and B. It’s warm, and tropical! Weather was forecast for 82 degrees everyday and our hotel is one of several sitting practically IN the ocean!

Saturday…..

Doug doesn’t like long flights, so to pacify him, I bought a couple of DVD movies and brought along my sister’s portable DVD player. I was up, packed, and in the car by 6:08 a.m. for our 9:20 flight out of Nashville. We made good time, scored a wheelchair, was escorted all the way to our gate. Plane was on time; Dallas would also have a chair waiting for me. Nice take off, after de-icing (?) the plane. A two hour flight, I took a small nap and when I woke asked Doug did he want to watch a movie. Sure. Got all the equipment out necessary to watch; DVD player, movie, remote, two pairs of headphones. I have not fooled with this DVD player in a year or so. I had forgotten where the on/off switch was. Had to locate where to plug in 2 sets of headphones. After I started the movie, there was no sound, so removed the batteries from the remote and adjusted them. Ah, sound! Just as the opening credits to the movie were playing, the captain came on the loudspeaker, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are started our descent into Dallas airport. Please put away all your portable devices, make sure your tray table…blah, blah.” Doug and I looked at each other and laughed and laughed! It’s a good thing! This would be the last laugh we would share for a Long time.

Stay tuned!

I just want to say that I hate “nice people”. Well, Hate is a strong word, but I really don’t Like nice people. I don’t understand them. It seems like they have an ulterior motive – but I never know what it is! I can’t think like they do, therefore I really don’t really trust them!

Example today:   I got a Disconnect notice from BGMU (our electric company), for, get ready,…….$6.41!  Yes, you read that correctly. Six dollars and forty-one cents. Those of you who know me well, and for those who follow this blog (see Brian’s Shoes), know that to piss me off – it’s not a good thing! I like revenge (when I can get it) and I Love to make a point! So on my lunch hour, I hand delivered 641 Pennies to BGMU! I parked my car, used my cane to limp into the building, carrying my large Manila envelope of pennies.

There were two cashiers taking payments. One was busy with a customer. That left me with Ms. Brown Hair. Dressed nicely, smile on her face – “How may I help you today?”  Oh, Boy!  Here we go!

Me:  “Well, I was sent this Disconnect Notice, so I left work early on my lunch hour so I could get here to pay you!” (Handed her the Notice with $6.41 highlighted in Orange).

Ms. Brown Hair:  “Oh, no, Honey. They would Never disconnect your service for that small amount of money!)

Me:  “Then Why would they send me such a Notice?”

Ms. Brown Hair:  “Those are automatically sent Anytime there is a balance due; regardless. But they absolutely would Not disconnect you for that!”

Me:  “Well, I came to pay you what I owe. Sorry, I didn’t have time to roll these. I had to work this morning.” (Handed her the large envelope and watched while she spilled out 641 pennies.)

Ms. Brown Hair:  “I’ll just be a minute.” (As she turns and goes to the drawer where the coin roll papers are.)

I stand for maybe 2 minutes. She turns to me and says –

“Are you sure there is $6.41 in this envelope?”

Me:  “Give or take a couple of pennies.”

Ms. Brown Hair:  “Well honey, I don’t want you to have to stand there and wait while I count all these. I know you are on your lunch hour. I’ll just mail you a receipt, okay? That way you don’t have to stand and wait on me, okay?”

Well, what in the Hell am I supposed to say to that??? I spent all morning gathering 641 pennies, just to Prove a Point and show someone How it Feels to be Put Out and Aggravated and This is what I Get?  A Nice Lady!

Well now-  isn’t that Special?

Well, it’s time to start again. I am happy that me and mine are alive and able to usher in a new year! I don’t plan on a “happy” new year. Or even a “good” new year. I’ll take a “medium” one, all day long! 2014 was a “medium” year for me and that was ok. Compared to the last 4 or 5 years, it was not bad, at all!

I got, not one, but two puppies, spent some very enjoyable time at the Lake, put my husband on the draw and had a wonderful visit from my son and daughter-in-law from Utah.
My mother, Sarah, is now 89 and still living in the nursing home. However, her dementia has gotten so bad that my visits don’t last more than 15 – 20 minutes at a time. She can no longer even pretend to know me. All I can do is assure myself that she is reasonably happy, comfortable, and well cared for.

My sister had a successful hip replacement surgery. She’s doing well with that.

I started the year with two very close friends, but it became apparent that I was wearing them out. As a result, I started a Ya Ya group comprised of “friends” on my Facebook page who live in town. We meet once a month for dinner. After some trials and errors, this group has become very important and enjoyable to me!

I changed personal and eye doctors this year. Completed all the “tests” you are supposed to have done on a regular basis. Physically, things look good. Mentally, no one will comment!

In November, I had the plate removed from my forearm (from the car wreck). After this completely heals, it will be much more comfortable for me. I got a second opinion on my ankle from a doctor in Louisville. Unfortunately, he said the same thing my lovely doctor here says. So. I just have to “carry on” as best I can!

My “plans” for this new year are fairly basic. I hope to actually take a vacation trip with my husband. I want to spend quality time with my friends and family. I want to be more “present” in the lives of people who may need my help. I want to show those special people in my life how much they mean to me and how much I depend on them. I want good health and peace and contentment for everyone. If, sometime this year, a little joy happens – that would be welcomed!

Stay tuned!

Yes, I believe in Jesus. Yes, I’ve been saved. Yes, I know and believe in the true meaning of this Holiday. Does this occasion wear my ass out? Uh, yeah! You, too? I thought it was bad when I had small children. Forget it! My life is so very chaotic, that to throw a Major Holiday in the middle of my mess, is a recipe for disaster!
I am proposing that we combine a couple of Holidays together. Why can’t we celebrate the Easter weekend with Christmas? His birth, His life, His death, His Resurrection?
I enjoy the music at this time of year. Although, has anyone recorded any new songs since Burl Ives? I thought not. I believe you can only enjoy so many children’s programs, parties and relative’s visits and the new wears off quickly. And don’t get me started on presents! Between the traffic, parking, and crowds in the stores, people generally are Not nice this time of year! Then, you have NO idea what to get anyone as a gift! If you are around my age, you have everything you want, need. If you are the age of my adult children, you have so many needs; where to start? If you are a teenager or older child, forget it! I don’t even know what language you are speaking! I have no babies anymore, so that’s out.
I know it’s my age talking, but the hassle of decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, mailing cards, and keeping the house clean for visitors wears me out!
It is with a huge sigh of relief that I say goodbye to this Holiday. I survived one more year! But no, it’s not over yet. All the decorations still have to be put away. I’ve had Christmas gifts, tissue, bags and wrapping paper riding around in my car for over a month. So That needs to be cleaned out. I’m still farming out, freezing, and / or throwing out leftovers from dinners.
I remember when the kids were little and I was always so tired this time of year. I told myself that once they were grown, this Season would get easier. Wrong! Ah, don’t mind me – I’m just terribly jealous of my brother and sister in laws who have escaped this whole thing and
run to Florida to swim in their pools, drink margaritas, and grill steaks outside!
I wish for the New Year another chance to try to get an earlier, better handle on the December birthday of our Lord. Stay tuned!

No, this is not about That! This is about all the little, creative ways I manage to make it through my days/nights!
I am an impulse shopper – I shop online quite often, since it’s hard for me to walk for very long in a brick and mortar store. If I do go to the Mall, I never try anything on. Easier for me to keep my receipt and bring it back later.
Anyway, as I dressed for work, I put on a new sweater I had bought. A Very dear friend was taking me to lunch and I wanted to look pretty. I don’t buy sweaters. If I ever do, they have to be loosely woven or a synthetic fabric that will “breathe”.
I stay very warm. I only gave up wearing my open-toed shoes this week. It took me twelve, (yes, 12) years to get through menopause. I still have a warmer body temp than most people my age.
Anyway, even though it was November the 6th, in southern Kentucky, by the time I had on my sweater, I was burning up! I knew I would never last the day and I didn’t want to change clothes!
I like the little, very thin washcloths that you can buy at Walmart. The ones that are like 20 for $15 or something. I love big, fluffy towels, but want my washrags thin.
So to conquer my “warmness”, I wet a small washrag with cold water and slipped it in between my breasts. (What – too much info?) Periodically, through out the day, I can re-wet the rag as needed and keep myself cool. This also works at night when you find that you are too hot. A wet washcloth between your knees as you lie on your side will definitely solve your problem.
I once had a job where I had to wear socks and tennis shoes, in the summer, all day, every day! Ugh! I remember going into the Ladies room, throughout the day, sliding off my tennis shoes, and putting my sock feet into the clean toilet bowl to get them wet and cool my feet off!
Ah, to each, his own! Stay tuned!

So, I’m wondering if anyone has calculated how much serious time a female spends on her hair? Can I get an Amen? From birth, when Moms put flowery headbands around their little girls’ bald head, so people will know she’s a girl, to the day that a woman dies and the funeral director calls someone to “do” her hair, we are obsessed with this area of our bodies! We wash it,  dry it, comb it, curl it, cut it, color it, perm it, straighten it, the list is endless.

As I was “fixing” my hair this morning, I was having a rough time with the back of my hair. Because of the way my cubicle is arranged at work, most people see the Back of my head all day, unless I get up from my desk and move around. Anyway, I pay particular attention to the back of my hair. This morning, I had a “hole” that I couldn’t do anything with! I used my pick, I tried my comb – Nothing worked! Frustrated, I grabbed my brush and….Success!

I remember when I was growing up, Every Sunday, sitting in church, All the ladies reaching forward in their pews, fixing the “holes” in the hair of the ladies in front of them! Back then, No good southern lady “did” her own hair! Weekly trips to the Beauty Shop was a Must! Since they only went once a week, women had to be very creative about how they slept. Keeping their hairdo looking nice from Saturday to Saturday was a challenge. Well, now that I think about it, maybe not so much. Back then, hair was teased and sprayed with so much hairspray, it would not move if you wanted it to! The fear with sleeping was that you would “flatten” one side or, Heaven forbid, the Back!  Thus causing the dreaded, awful “hole”!

Not a lot has changed. Beauty Shops still exist.  Now, though, they are there to cut or color only. None of the newer girls know how to use a curling iron or give a perm. My stylist is almost my age for that reason. Most girls now want straight hair with different colors of the rainbow  colored in. Ah, youth!  Stay tuned.

Doug has been a salesman almost all his life.  Not long after Brian was born,  we moved Doug’s  Fund Raising business from our house to a large warehouse that Doug had built. I was on maternity leave from the office of Minit Mart Foods.  Doug talked me into quitting that job to run his (our) office. I wasn’t sure that he and I could work together, but I agreed to try it for 6 months. Along with setting my own hours, I had the advantage of taking the baby to work with me. We set up the office complete with playpen for Brian. Doug traveled to schools every day, while I stayed in the office to answer the phone and processed orders. We ordered product (candy) in bulk and had it delivered every two weeks.

The candy, cases of  mostly M & Ms and Hershey Bars arrived every two weeks from Nashville via semi truck. I had the same driver for almost 10 years. His first name was Will. I don’t know if I ever knew his last name.  He was a small, maybe 5 foot 6-7 inch black man that could not have weighed 130 pounds soaking wet! Always had a toothpick in his mouth and got down out of the cab of his truck, singing in a beautiful voice, “Jesus, loves me, this I know! ‘Cause the Bible tells me so!”

It’s funny , to me, where friends come from.  Because Will and I became friends. He could maneuver that truck like no one I have ever seen! He never arrived late and he never missed making my delivery in all those years, but once.

Will would back the semi up to the dock, swing down from the cab, singing the whole time. He would tip his hat at me and open up the back of the truck.  Union regulations said that after he opened the door, getting the product out of the truck was up to the customer (me). Over the years, we tried several different approaches on how to accomplish this; since I was always there, alone, when Will made the delivery.  But at first, Will would open up the truck, bring the candy to the back of the truck, jump down, and take Brian out of my arms and watch while I unloaded the candy. He and Brian got to be great friends! Will had six kids of his own. He would sing to Brian and play with him for as long as it took me to unload the candy.

Will and I would talk about our families,  kids,  his wife,  a little of everything as the years went by.  He told me on many occasions about his love of God and his hope for his children. He had a daughter he was worried about.  He thought she was “running around” too much.  He talked about his wife with such love in his voice! The only time in all those years that Will got a substitute driver and didn’t make my delivery, it was because  he had to go to court with one of his sons.

At some point, we stopped ordering that much candy and no longer needed Will, the truck driver. But I think of him and his sweet voice sometimes and pray for him and his family. A finer man, I don’t know!  Stay tuned.

I’m one of these people who have delayed reactions to comments made or situations where I should Do something. Hours later, the correct response or answer will come to me – “I should have said; I should have done.”  Although this quirk often aggreviates me, Most of the time, it actually saves me from Trouble.  Even though my husband of 45 years knows this about me, he is never quite sure what my reaction will be at any given moment.  Case in point – our next door neighbors were elderly ( yes, this was many years ago ). One day, driving home from work, I turned onto our street to see Mrs. Mathis, sitting in her car – in the Middle of the Street! Fearing that she was sick, I pulled up behind her and got out of my car. I asked if she was alright and if I could help her. She said her car had just stopped in the middle of the street, but her husband was calling for help. As we were talking, Doug’s car came up the street and pulled up behind us. He threw his car into Park and Ran up to me, yelling,   Marty, please, don’t hurt her!”  What?

We have lived and raised our children on this same street since 1979.  Our kids played and went to school with all the kids on this street.  We are not new here! And just for the record, I don’t hit people!

One day, Doug and I are walking in the neighborhood. I’m guessing I was 45 years old or so.  We are walking passed a neighbor’s house and she is at her mailbox. As we walk past and say hello, she looks at me and exclaims, “Oh my God! When are you Due?” And she has Both hands on my belly, rubbing away! I looked at Doug who had gone absolutely white in the face! (He told me later, all he could think about was me slugging her and the lawsuit that would ensue!) After I finally got my breath back, I shoved her hands off me and said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m just FAT!”

That lady was about my age.  She was a teacher.  About six months later, Doug ran into her at a convention.  Because he remembered how she had embarrassed me, and because he was grateful that I hadn’t Hit her, in their conversation, he asked her about retiring.  She said that she had many years to go before she retired. He replied, “Oh, sorry! You looked like you were about retirement age!” SNAP!            Did I tell you I Love this guy!   Stay tuned.

Patience has never been a virtue of mine.  One Sunday morning, I had left Doug asleep in the bed, dropped off the girls at Sunday School and decided I would pick up breakfast at McDonald’s for Doug and I. It was maybe 9:00 in the morning. I pulled into the local McDonald’s. There was one car in the parking lot. No one in the drive thru. I proceeded to place my order, two scrambled egg breakfasts to go. She tells me my total, and asks me to pull around. I pull up to the window to pay. She says it will be a couple of minutes, and could I please pull forward and park? They would bring my order, “right out”.  (Does any of this sound familiar to you? And this was mid, late ’70’s!)  So I’m playing nice and I pull up and park my car.  I past the window where an older couple sat eating. The only customers in the restaurant.

And so, I sat.  And waited. Not a single car came through the drive thru.  Hell, not a single car came into the parking lot. I waited for ten minutes! Doesn’t sound like a long time, unless you are just sitting in a car.  Waiting.  Okay. I’ve had Enough! I put the car in reverse and back up to the window where I had paid the girl.  “Where is my order?” I asked.  “Oh, I’m so sorry, blah, blah, whatever.”  Okay, she hands my order through the window. Now I am Going to have the last word! I am Going to show her just how mad I am! She’ll be sorry!

I made up my mind to just flat, squeal tires out of there! I put the transmission in Drive and all the while giving the girl my most disgusted face, I mashed my foot down as hard as I could on the gas metal!  I squealed tires alright! Here’s the problem – I had forgotten to turn my steering wheel back in the correct position. So, instead of tearing out off the parking lot, my wheels were turned TOWARDS the building!! My car went up and over the wrought iron fencing by the side door of McDonald’s , coming to rest One Inch from the plate glass window! The elderly couple who were sitting in the booth Next to that window, jumped up and away when they saw me coming towards them!

After my car came to a rest, the manager and several employees came out to survey the damage and make sure I was okay. I told them to hurry up and call the police so I could go home. The store manager, who was the owner, turned out to be my old friend Bill! (Read “And you can bring your Dog”)  See how karma works? Anyway, Bill said no he would not call the police, made sure my car was drivable, and apologized for the slow service. He made some pictures of my car, which I assumed where for insurance purposes, and sent me on my way.

I took Doug his cold egg breakfast and told him the story. He couldn’t believe it! Neither could my insurance agent the next morning when I called him! He laughed his head off! He told me, “Marty, do you have any idea How many times I’ve wanted to do the same thing? I’m not even going to raise your insurance rates! You are my Hero!”

The rest of this story –    Our friend Bill, owned THREE  McDonald’s franchises. While I had thought he took pictures of my car that day for his insurance claim, he actually posted that picture at the drive thru window of each store that he owned with a caption that read, “If you see the woman driving this car……”  The picture hung in those locations for over a year!  Stay tuned.

Because of my friend Mac, I softened the title to “older”. It really upsets him when I call myself old. (Maybe because he & I are the same age?) Anyway, this morning as I was coloring my hair, (yes) I was thinking about the difference between my grandmothers and grandmothers of today.

And just an aside; I will always need glasses, I will always have wrinkled skin, but I will NEVER have gray hair! Not that I’m slamming those that do. I have nothing against gray hair. As long as it is on YOU. Your gray hair is probably beautiful. (Or so you’ve convinced yourself). It is simply a choice I made for me. But  I digress.

My grandmothers were sweet, church -going, soft-spoken ladies who lived with their grown children and grandchildren. My maternal grandmother lived with us for years. She paid for her room and board by cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and babysitting my brother, sister, and myself.  We called her “Bubba”. Bubba and I shared the same room; hell, we slept in the same double bed for years! She taught me how to iron when I was 9 years old. Back then, Everything had to be ironed! I think the only material available was cotton or wool. Maybe linen. There were no cotton “blends”. I started out learning to starch and iron my Daddy’s handkerchiefs, then pillowcases. Back then you ironed sheets, tablecloths, dresses, Everything! Monday’s were laundry days, Tuesdays were spent ironing.

Okay, don’t know how this became about ironing! Anyway, MY grandmothers lived with and took care of their families. They “retired” to their bedrooms in the evenings to read their Bibles or sew. They knew their “place” in the family and certainly didn’t make waves! We all went to church on Sundays, came home to a large dinner, and after Bubba had cleaned the kitchen, we kids scattered, Bubba napped and Mother and Daddy read, watched T.V.

Fast forward to the 2000’s. If you are a grandparent and have Not been lucky enough to  retire to Florida (for at least the winter months) then you have one, or maybe two different scenarios playing out in your life. Either you are still working because you need health insurance, but lucky enough that you live separate from your children / grandchildren, but close enough that you can attend Every school, church, sporting function that they have. Or Your home is now home to your grown children / grandchildren. In which case, (I imagine) you are living in Your home, pretty much like my Bubba used to live at my house. It’s YOUR house, but You cook, clean, shop, maybe do laundry for Them, and then retire to Your “Room” to have some privacy! Some grandparents are literally raising their grandchildren as their own.

Anyway you look at it, the ways that we age in this country, in this day and time are Nothing like my grandparents! They were respected, taken care of, loved, even revered! if you remember the last time your grown child or one of your grandchildren told you that you were loved, or appreciated,  please – put that in a special place! Oh, we all Know we are loved, but somehow, grandparents have been pushed ” to the back of the bus, ” so to speak. We are trying to stay active, and interesting, and vital in the world, but hey! We are Tired! Some of us are sick! Or lame! Whatever! We are doing the best we can, for our age! Cut us some slack!

And for God’s sake! If you are reading this and you are young enough to still Have your mother or dad, go CALL them! Have your child call them! Tell them they are loved! Take them to dinner. Hell, Fix them dinner!  I know you are busy! Tough! We aren’t going to be here that much longer! If you can’t take the time to tell me Now, don’t be all crying about it at my funeral!!   Stay tuned.