I remember, with fondness, back in the summer when I knew our grandson would be born – “Yay! We will get to have Holidays again!” For years now, we have gone through the motions of “celebrating” the Holidays; especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone agrees – these Holidays are way more fun if small children are involved. Prior to this new baby, our youngest grandchild was fifteen years old! I know that, as we age, our situations change; new people are added to the family, we lose some people. Family members move, traditions go by the wayside. Sometimes we have to adapt or change the way we do things because a family member has an illness, or disease.

I get and accept all that. For years, mainly because of Doug’s Alzheimer’s, we have done just the bare minimum and worked around him and his condition. We have adjusted and “made do” and rearranged, to the point I wonder why we even bother anymore.

But now – A BABY! Oh, the possibilities! Yes, we live 4 hours apart, but that drive is totally doable! The parents (my son, Brian and wife Bethany) have a designated bedroom in our home. I bought a crib. Visions of sugarplums and fairies and Santa Claus and early Christmas mornings were dancing in my head; as early as September first, when he was born.

What the Hell is wrong with me?

What on earth made me think a baby would bring the family closer? If anything, we are further apart, with a baby thrown into the mix! If my son (or actually, his wife) has his way, Doug and I will always be the ones to travel to see the baby. They won’t travel to visit us because everyone knows how hard it is to travel with a baby. Except…oh, wait! They Did manage to travel by car, with the baby and their 100 pound dog 1,680 miles (one way) to attend Her sister’s wedding! Thank God for FaceTime! At least, once a week, my son FaceTimes us so we can see the baby!

Christmas, this year was at my house. Low key. My daughter, her husband, grandson, granddaughter, my sister, her son and his girlfriend. My daughter refused any of the dinner because she is on a “new” soy free, gluten free diet. But that was okay because my nephew’s girlfriend ate four platefuls. I counted. The grandkids didn’t thank any one for their gifts. We FaceTimed with Brian and then everyone went home. Merry, Merry!

What is so sad, to me, is that if Doug has another Christmas, he won’t know any of us! This was probably the best one he will have. I hope he had a good one. I’m sure he didn’t notice the undertones that I am always aware of. He seemed happy. It’s hard to get him to smile anymore. Stay tuned.