I married Doug when I was just barely 18 years old. I was native, scared, four months pregnant and clueless. All I knew was that I loved him. As the years went by, we struggled like other people. I was never one to think/ worry about the future. We were just trying to get by week to week. As Doug become more successful, I relaxed and just took what life handed me at the time. But for all our lives together, anytime I was worried or fearful about the future, Doug always said to me, “Don’t you worry, honey. I have a plan”. I trusted him completely. We made plans, we raised our children and we lived a (mostly) wonderful life.
One night, he and I were talking and he said to me, “You know all those times that I told that I had a plan? Well, I lied! I faked it for all those years!”
Well, now the tables have turned. I am the one who has to have a Plan. For probably the first time in my life, I am starting to understand some of what Doug went through for me and the kids. This is scary! Planning the future for three people (my handicapped sister lives with us) and two dogs is really hard. And lonely! I, alone, have to make decisions and plans.
Plus, I’m under the gun, time wise. Certain things have to be put in place before Doug gets worse. Just one of the many problems with Dementia is that no one can give you a timeline. My sister and I talked about how long our Mother was alright – until she wasn’t. As memory serves, we think about 4 years. Doug is on medication to help slow his progression with this illness. Mother was not on any medication at that time. So I am very hopeful that he will be okay for quite a few years.
Nevertheless, I have to have a Plan in place. Even if I have to “fake” it! I love you, my Dougie. ❤️ I will succeed. Stay tuned.